In this air, in this air, in this air

It's a strange day today. I have nothing and I have everything, and I have everything because I have nothing. I walk down the street, and people gravitate towards me, talk to me, hit on me. People call to me from windows and doorways. It rains for a minute, then the sun reappears. I am tired, and empty, and full at the same time. I take off my sunglasses and squint into the sky.

I have everything. I have nothing. I mill in the hallways of the GCB, I talk to my professors about my papers, my teaching, and am complimented for both. People tell me I'm brilliant, that I need to publish my paper. People tell me that I'm an excellent teacher, that I'm getting more money for next semester. I talk to my colleagues, my fellow students, my dear friends, and we discuss our sleep deprivation, we torment over the length of our papers. We complain about grading, make plans for beer.

I have nothing. I have everything. My past is present is past is future is present is now is moving is conflating is becoming is doing is undoing is redoing. There is no beginning, there is no end, there is no now. There is moving. The path I walk down becomes a plane, it spreads out, there is no straight line, there is no windy way, there is only flat space. And so I jump, and there is only air and nothing but air and I float up and up and up and on.

I had a string once, a tether, and I can't find it. I followed that string here, it unravelled behind me and I held one end as I walked. But now I'm flying, and I have no string, and I don't know if it was cut, if I cut it, if it was let go, if I let it go, if it's still there at all. And I'm soaring, and I see the world laid out before me, I see everything but the string I used to have. And I ache and I have nothing and I have everything, and all l have is having, is soaring, is moving, is hoping that as I drift through this air, as I rise and rise and rise towards everything, that I find you here, somewhere, in this air, in this air, in this air, and holding the other end of the string.